Friday, April 24, 2015

Trusting God

I haven't been sharing updates because things have been going pretty good and haven't been different until recently AND I have been keeping quite busy. Last week I noticed that the tumor seemed different. Wasn't sure if the size had changed but the position definitely did. So when I went in for the port flush, they ended up drawing blood for the tumor marker number to be done. We won't have that result until next week or even the following week since they have to ship it out to a different lab. The doctor also felt it important to order a PET scan to be done to see if there are any new areas that have cancer cell activity.

If nothing else shows up, I will probably be advised to have a mastectomy done to remove the original tumor. If something else shows up, different treatment discussion will probably take place. And then there is still another, off the wall, miraculous thing that I feel is in the works of manifesting and that would be that the tumor is actually gone, no spots show up in the bones or anywhere else AT ALL. Then I'm not sure what kind of thing they will come up with. I am scheduled for the PET scan in Green Bay on Wednesday the 29th and then an appointment with my doctor following the scan to get the results.

Here's how I've learned to pray about this situation & it can be slightly changed for many situations when praying:

I speak death to this invasive ductile carcinoma cancer. I curse it and command it to leave. God, I speak the life that You’ve already put on the inside of me. I release it to flow through my body.” 

I'd be lying if I said I am completely at ease but for the most part, I feel calm and trust that no matter what news comes to us on Wednesday, that God loves me and will take care of me just like he has told me on different occasions. Here are some things he has told me that I am holding on to. He tore out the root and will take care of the rest. He has cleansed me as white as snow. And so on. I put my trust in God. He's got this!

Remember how I said that I started reading the Bible chronologically last year. Well, I'm fairly close to being finished but for the last few days I was stuck on a small passage in Matthew 15 about the woman that was asking Jesus to heal her daughter that was possessed.  This same story can be found in Mark 7 as well.  Here is an excerpt I found from

Jesus said unto her, Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it unto the dogs.
Mark 7:27

This was a strong statement that Jesus made to a woman that came to ask Him to heal her daughter. Jesus was telling her that she had no right to ask for healing, since she wasn’t Jewish. Wisely and remarkably, this woman humbled herself and pleaded for mercy instead of trying to demand her rights. She didn’t have any rights. And when Jesus had mercy on her, she returned home to find her daughter healed. It’s that simple. She received based on Jesus, not on what she deserved.

I loved that this woman was persistent but mostly that she humbled herself instead of arguing with Jesus on why she deserved to have her daughter healed. Her faith was amazing! She recognized that Jesus was the Son of God even though she was not an Israelite. I think that's pretty cool that the light of God showed through Him and people recognized Him by it. God's word says that we, as Christians, are to be recognized by our love, to let our light shine, to be the salt of the earth so that others can see Christ in us.  That's what I hope I am doing by sharing with all of you is letting my light shine so people will be drawn to God.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

For we walk by faith, not by sight.  2 Corinthians 5:7

I cling to God's promises and I know that God is faithful to keep those promises and that he has already put the healing power inside of me. Please pray for miraculous results as well as God helping me to allow the release the life to flow inside of me. Today I was singing the old song that I learned as a little girl and as I try to write the lyrics here, I completely forgot them. That's annoying but it will come to me again. The song just popped into my head this morning as I was praising God for healing me and helping me allow it to be released inside of me. God's pretty awesome!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

December 2nd tumor marker is in and...

I have to keep this super short as I have many things still left to do today. The holiday time around here is usually quite busy with Adam working extra time and having 3 kids in programs. We've actually added two extras this year since Gabby is in both Band & Chorus & Morgan sang a song at the Cabaret for church on Sat.  Even though it can get stressful getting to all these events, I honestly enjoy them all. The teachers & students put so much time and effort into making wonderful Christmas programs & it makes me thrilled to watch them and hear my kiddos sing about the birth of Jesus Christ.

So to the meat of the title on this blog entry. Let me remind you that I was having these numbers drawn monthly up until this last one which was drawn 3 months after the previous.  The doctor was very happy with the newest number and said that it being fairly low as well as stable is good.
August 74.3
Sept 56.4
Dec 53.5

I am praising God!!! Gabby was hoping I would get to do one of my silly happy dances this time for a big fat goose egg but it wasn't there quite yet. Doesn't mean I didn't do a small happy dance. I will say this again because it is worth repeating, my good friend said that when her Dad was given a cancer free statement from his doctor, the tumor marker was still there....however it eventually went down to really low, it just took a little extra time to get to what they saw on his scans. I guess under 3 is good. So that means, I'm only 51 points away or as my daughter says 53.5 points away from a huge silly dance because we are believing in a 0.

I've heard girl pray, "Thank you God for healing my mom from cancer and all the stuff it has done to her body. Thank you Lord for getting the tumor marker down to 0 so she can do one of those crazy happy dances and for disintegrating the tumor completely! In Jesus' name, Amen!"

Yes, I have an amazing girl! And yes, that's a prayer of faith!

I have had much less pain, nearly none for days now and I attribute it to praying Ezekiel 37 over my bones. That's what God lead me to do.  It might not be the verses that you need but what I encourage you to do is to pray and ask the holy spirit what you should be praying over your body.  He's waiting to help you follow God's will and plan for you.  Do it sooner than later. He loves you & wants you to seek Him.

Thank you God for good stable numbers. Like my daughter says & believes, I too thank you for disintegrating the tumor & the tumor marker. I thank you for restoring my bones & anything else that was damaged from the cancer. I give you ALL the glory. For you are faithful, you are awesome, full of compassion, love, & mercy. You sent your Son as a gift for me and for everyone. It may not have been in December, but it is a great time to celebrate an amazing miracle in such a small child. Thank you!!! In Jesus' name, Amen.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Veteran's Day

Veteran's Day
There really should be more than just one day to remember our Veteran's and all the sacrifice that they made for us in the past and in the present. Our Veteran's have not only sacrificed their lives for our freedoms but also the time with their families, the memories that often haunt them for years and years. But I will not forget the story I heard about my Grampa Kenny and when he enlisted. It is my understanding that there must have been a few lines for these young men to wait in and sign up for the branch of military that they chose. My Grampa was in one line and had struck up a conversation with another young man. As they waited they talked & talked and before it was their turn to sign, the young man half-jokingly told my Grampa that he thought he was in the wrong line. My Grampa's response was something like, I think you're right. So he got in the same line as his new friend and they enlisted in the U.S. Navy. They were dear friends until a few years ago when my Grampa went to be with Jesus in January of 2011 and that's when I heard this endearing story. I knew they had been friends for many years but to hear this story from his friend at the funeral, it meant a lot to me. Grampa never thought of himself as a hero, as most that serve don't feel that way. They are often doing what needs to be done and do it with an unselfish attitude and love for not only their own family & friends but for all of our Nation. I wish I had a pic of my Grampa in his uniform to share with you all, he was an extraordinary man.

Today I honor the memories of all who gave their lives for our Country, not just those who died during the war but ALL who served in years past as well as those who are currently serving our Country. May God's blessing be upon each and every one of you. May you have peace in your heart and your mind and forgive yourself for the lives you had to take to defend our freedom. And may each marriage that is affected by the separation of time together and intimacy and memories be strengthened through God and the bond of husband and wife be bound together with Christ.

Though I feel that thank you just simply isn't enough, it is all I have to offer. My family greatly appreciates each & every Veteran, not only on this day. Today we honor and remember. 

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Remembering & Imagination

I was looking at my blog posts and noticed that this one was not posted and since I had a conversation in which a close friend and I were talking about how do we make sure that when the tough times come, we are ready to do what God asks of us, no matter what.  I thought this post I had written back in March helps to illustrate a good point and wanted to share.

Remember how I shared that I have not read through the entire Bible?....yet.  Well, I'm working on it chronologically right now.  I'm nearing the end of Exodus and I have always wondered why the Israelites forgot so easily what God had done for them.  In a previous post, I touched a little on personally needing reminders & that God uses His Word and peoples' testimonies to help us remember the things he has done which helps strengthen our faith & our walk with him. As I was reading about the slavery of the Israelites and how God saved them from Egypt, I started to realize that it really doesn't take us long to forget or 'feel' forgotten about, in our sinful human nature.  Especially when trials come.

My Disclaimer: Now please realize that the Bible doesn't say all of this exactly as I am imagining it & I'm not trying to put words or meanings to the scripture.  What I am trying to do is apply it to my life, think about my human nature, kinda take a walk in their shoes rather than judging them, & realize how in the world these people who saw so many amazing things, miracles, food provided for them daily, etc could forget what God asked them to do in such a short time.  Would I do the same as them & create an idol to worship because the leader had not returned and brought directions to the group?  I used to think that was so stupid but as I'm walking through this journey, I don't honestly know how I would behave.

So Moses met with God and was told the Covenant that God wanted with the Israelites. Then Moses went & told the people what God had said & they responded that they would follow the covenant.  Then Moses went back up to be with God & the people were left down in their camp & didn't hear from Moses or see him for like 6 weeks.  While he was up there, God wrote the Commandments on the Tablets but all of this time with God took about 6 weeks.  The Israelites knew what God had done for them by bringing them out of Egypt & seeing the plagues that hit the Egyptians & didn't touch the Israelites, those were miracles that they witnessed with their own eyes yet, only a few months later, they had forgotten the vast & mighty things God had done to save them, to rescue them.  Then when their leader, Moses, the one they could see with their eyes, had gone up to be with God & talk with him, they got antsy, impatient, & probably scared.  They didn't know if Moses had died, if he was coming back, & since they had been in bondage for so long, their hearts were probably a bit frail in trusting God.  Sometimes we think that because we can see something it is more real.  They trusted Moses because they could see him.  I think they trusted God too but they may have wondered whether God had already forgotten about them.  Maybe many of them felt forgotten about when they were in Egypt for hundreds of years in slavery.  But God never forgot about them.  Like I said, I used to wonder how they could forget such amazing events.  I know, I don't want to forget the amazing things God has done for me.

So here's what I want to do. I want to remember the things that God has done in my life and the things He did many years ago in the times of those from the history of the Bible. I know that I will not remember everything myself so since I personally like words so much, I choose to use words to paint a picture in order to remember (journal).  This is where using my imagination sort of comes in.  A definition of imagination is:  the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality. So when I have seen something before but do not see it right now, I use my imagination to picture it or imagine it in my mind.  That helps me to remember it.  We imagine how to get somewhere when we are driving. When someone says pretend or imagine I have an apple in my hand here, almost everyone can imagine an apple sitting in the person's hand because we've either seen one or have a pretty good idea of what one looks like.  People may picture it in different colors (green vs red vs yellow) but you get the idea.  Well it is hard for us to remember anything that we can't picture.  Andrew Wommack talks about this and says, if you were asked how many doors you have in your house you might not know it right away, however, if you sat & pictured/imagined your house in your mind, you would more than likely be able to figure out how many doors you have.  So it would make sense to think that in order for us to remember things that God has done in our lives & those close to us, we would need to imagine it in order to remember it.  Why do I want to use my imagination for this?  I want to remember so that when times are tough, when I feel as though I don't see the end of the tunnel, I can remember that God is always faithful. That he wants what's best for me, and that he will help me get through to the end of the trial.  Make sense?  I thought so too.

Friday, November 7, 2014

On a less than spectacular day

Today I wanted to share some of the things I do on a day that is less than
spectacular for me. Having been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that has gone to my bones means that some days I hurt more than others. Whether you have a disease or whether you are aging or maybe you had a broken bone in the past and on damp or cold days, you have pain in the spot where you broke it....well I wanted to share what I do on days I am hurting. Why? Because it occurred to me that I'm not the only one that hurts and perhaps I have some things that I do that you could try or perhaps you have something I could try. (The verse in the image above is a great reminder and one that I quote often to keep speaking life into my own life...try it!)

I've found that on days that are damp & cold, such as yesterday, I start to feel achy in the bones of my back & hips. Rather than allow this to take over my body, I have been trying to find ways to help it feel better.  Taking a hot bath or shower seems to help warm my bones up so they don't hurt. Drinking something warm or hot such as a cup of tea, hot chocolate, apple cider, or a chai latte or soup warm me right from the inside out. Notice I didn't say coffee?  I'm not a huge fan of it. I know, sorry. lol  If I would drink coffee, I'd have to put way too much sugar & creamer in it that there wouldn't be a point of drinking it. I just think the stuff tastes bitter to me and I already consume some bitter apricot seeds so I'll skip the coffee.  I also have turmeric in my morning shake (also slightly bitter in the amount that I use) which is known to help with inflammation & has antioxidant actions so it's good for me.  Another great help to me when I'm hurting is to exercise. Something simple like walking or a little more in depth like my PiYo videos help a lot. Praying scripture over myself such as the verses found in Joyce Meyer's The Healing Word booklet help a lot. But some days the pain is more annoying and I just can't shake it so I might take some pain meds.  Rather than sitting down or laying on the couch, I usually find something else to do. If I have to sit down because my body is screaming at me to rest, I might listen to a sermon, or read my Bible. I try to do something that is positive for my body, mind & spirit rather than just something to get my mind off of the pain.  I know some people that avoid pain or avoid dealing with situations by sleeping and I don't see how that makes it all better so I don't just sleep the pain away. Why do I do this? Because I am determined to not let this disease totally rule my daily activities. Yes, I believe that I need to listen to my body but I also need to take charge over it in a way so that it doesn't take over me.  I hope that makes sense.  Finding a balance in this area is just as important as time management & household things. I have seen people that allow a diagnosis they've been given to rule and dictate them so much that they lose themselves. I understand that it is hard, sometimes it's REALLY hard but I am willing to fight in order to have a better quality of life while I wait for God's timing, expecting a full miracle!

What are some things that you do when you are in pain?  Do you find that it makes you crabby or more tired when you have pain? Is your pain a physical or emotional pain? God's word addresses Physical Healing, Emotional/Mental Healing, & Spiritual Healing. And these don't even include all of the scriptures that address healing, there are more!  Speak Life, not only to others but to yourself as well.  Speak life into your own life because God loves you and He made you in His image, so you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Happy Birthday Dad & Flashback to a year ago

Today is my Dad's birthday. Today I celebrate a strong, godly man, who is so black & white about things that it makes me laugh & makes me know where some of my no nonsense  decisions come from because many things are black & white to me as well. lol  Happy Birthday Pappy!!!  You are a great inspiration to me and I love you as BIG as the sky!  Keep on loving God & sharing about Him so more people come into His kingdom. I pray for blessings upon you & mom and that your body is healed from all the pain you've been experiencing in your body as you age & work so hard.  I know you don't put too much stock into birthdays but you really should. I say this only because it is not just a celebration of you, but that God loved you so much & created you & then drew you toward Him. Celebrate the day God blessed you with your family, your parents and your siblings! Celebrate your wife, girls & grandchildren! Have a safe trip today!

Flashback to a year ago today: I had started to make dinner for my family as I was feeling decent, not as tired as I had been feeling. I was actually feeling hopeful and then I got a call that knocked the wind out of me.  A call that told me that instead of the initial thought of Stage 2 or 3 for the breast cancer (which could be treated and gone in about 9 months total), they saw that it had traveled to my bones & was considered Stage 4, incurable but treatable.  I have been reminded of this diagnosis several times over the last 365 days. I was asked at the 2nd opinion I went to in Dec if I understood that they could not cure me but they could treat me and hoped to treat me for several years. Almost every time I heard the phrase 'incurable but treatable', I reminded myself that GREATER is HE that is in me, than he that is in the world! Why??? Because my hope is found in Christ, HE is greater than any disease or damage disease has done to my earthly body. My hope is the promise God gave me through the Holy Spirit at different times over the last year.  The promise that I will be healed.

On March 8th, I was prayed over and felt a freedom.  A few days after that, I was seeking God during a quiet time with him and asked him why he didn't remove the tumor, the Holy Spirit told me that he had removed the root of the problem and the rest would follow. That was good enough for me to keep going. During the summer, I shared about the SNOW message that God gave me, that I would be cleansed whiter than snow and I even got a verse to go along with it in the days that followed and I was reminded of a dream I had a few days before this verse came to me.  Then again I had been seeking God for an answer. I was feeling rather downhearted, not defeated but certainly not my hopeful self. I felt like my mind was racing with scenarios, with thoughts that were not from God and I kept having to pray that God would captivate my thoughts like his word says

2 Corinthians 10:5New International Version (NIV)

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
I was really struggling and when I was praying, I kept asking God why he didn't just finish healing me like he said he would.  It's a good thing that I know God can handle my incessant questions.  I think that a part of me was questioning why he thought it was best to do it a part at a time.  I know he wants the best for me and is doing what's best for me but I just wasn't seeing the point of all this waiting for the healing to come about completely.  My dear, sweet husband has on his phone "God's Timing" each & every time he turns his phone on as a reminder.
So I headed to this 2 day training for ladies that our church was putting on. I REALLY wanted to attend 2 classes for sure. The first one being a gifts & talents class. I thought it would be neat if they gave a test so I could see where my strengths are that God gave to me. It was a long class but Adam was on nights at the time & said that he would watch Sadie for a little while until the older kids got home & could watch her while he went to take a nap before going to work later. So I happily answered all the questions with a ton of paperwork for the class and got some cool answers for the quiz.  I was thrilled that I was able to complete the whole class. It was time for dinner so with a smile on my face, I drove home for dinner with my children and to see how they were doing. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to head back to the church building for the evening session where the keynote speaker was to be teaching since I'd have to leave my kids on their own with Adam trying to sleep before work.  My kids were behaving great and they asked if they could watch a movie & told me that I should go back & listen to the sermon. So, I did what any mother in her right mind would do......NO, I did not stay home. I headed to that service and I was blessed beyond words. I shared a tiny blip of this on FB when it happened but I want to share a little more because when I told a friend about it the other day, she said, that it was really cool.
Remember the question I kept asking God?  Why wasn't he giving me the full healing all at once?  When Lisa Rodriguez started sharing from a chapter called The Groundskeeper from her new book I got my answer and it all made sense.  God is a strategist. He does things with a purpose & a plan. When He told the Israelites in Exodus 23 that he would give them the promised land, he didn't just hand them everything. He said he would drive out the enemy little by little until they became fruitful and could take care of all He had given them.  I felt as though this was the answer I had been seeking & God used Lisa to share it with me. God had told me he'd cleanse me as white as snow, He told me he tore out the root and would take care of the rest. And now he was telling me to keep trusting Him. Trust that with each portion he gave to me, once I possessed it, once I received the gift of it, he would continue fulfilling the promise of being completely healed & whole.  A quote I loved from Lisa was this, "God is a strategist, so he says he'll work with the situation until it's time for the victory! Don't listen to the enemy!"  It is time for me to possess what God has given me so that the enemy can NOT take it back.  With God, I must hold my ground & not give up.
So much of what Lisa shared hit me right where I needed it.  I believe that my husband, children, & I worked together so that I could attend this sermon. I was extra thankful that my children were so willing to allow me the time to seek God because I really needed to be refreshed.  It was like a great kick in the pants to remind me that God's NOT done!  I believe God made me a promise and I am willing to keep seeking Him & following Him to receive the end result.  So when Lisa was done sharing, I was crying. I was crying and thanking God for answering my prayers about why I haven't received the full healing yet.  I trust God and HIS timing (just like Adam's phone reminds us).  This isn't 1 step forward & 2 steps back. It is a matter of baby steps to gain the ground against the enemy & God's plan is the best one so I am thankful that when I wasn't seeing the Big picture, that He helped me remember to trust Him.
Do you have something that you've been praying about & feel as though you haven't gotten an answer.  Keep seeking God.  Keep asking Him.  And then Be STILL and allow Him to answer you.  Open your heart to what He will share with you.

One of my favorite songs right now that has a great beat as well as amazing words is called "Greater" by Mercy Me.  Folks, it's Biblical and worth remembering. Watch the video. EVERY time you feel down, or defeated, remember that the battle has already been won when Jesus died on the cross AND rose again.

1 John 4:4New International Version (NIV)

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in youis greater than the one who is in the world.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Remembering my Gram

It has taken me a week to have the time and the mind to sit down and type this message.  Last Wednesday night, the earth lost a lovely, beautiful, soul and Heaven gained one.  My Gram went to be with Jesus.  She lived a fairly long & wonderful life. It was filled with ups and downs but she always trusted God to bring her through each valley. She loved God so much and one of my favorite things about her was that she always had people in her home for small group/Bible Studies. I learned so much from my parents bringing me to her & my Grampa's house to be taught about God's Word.  I remember going there from a very young age. We would sing worship songs & hymns, which was one of my favorite parts. She was always so welcoming & hospitable to those who entered her home. I told her a few times over the last few years after Adam & I had some small groups meet in our home, that it was neat to have our place filled with the Holy Spirit and to share God's love & Word with others, just like she & Grampa did in their home. I thanked her for being such a good example to us since I was a little girl.  I could never compare my hospitality to hers because we did things differently but I know she was pleased when I told her that we hosted small groups.  I still remember going to my Gram's with my mom and the song that the ladies would sing when they gathered for Bible Study & then had lunch. "Be present at our table Lord, be here and ev'rywhere adored, His mercy bless and grant that we, may feast in paradise with thee. Amen" I loved listening to my Gram sing, especially when she'd harmonize with her siblings. Such beautiful music and harmony.  I bet the choir in heaven sounds even better now with her there but oh how I miss her warm smile.  Her heart was for God and was just BEAUTIFUL!!!

Those who know my Gram, knew that she was a phenomenal cook. I think she was not only skilled in the kitchen & knew what things complimented each other nicely but the love that she put into her cooking made it taste EVEN better. I wouldn't doubt if she prayed a blessing upon the food as she prepared it.  She always had something to eat, even when one would stop by unannounced. I'm not sure how she did it, but she was amazing!  One of my favorite places to go was to her & Grampa's house. It was full of love, joy, peace, fun, & good food (her bread was delicious, her cinnamon rolls were divine, spaghetti that none compared to, oh how I could go on & on)

Gram would cook a delicious & HUGE meal for any gathering or holiday and us older granddaughters and aunts would help clean up after the meal was done.  Aunt Lynne always made cleaning up a lot of fun & so memorable.  At Christmas, we'd put music on & sing & dance (I'm no good at dancing either lol) and we'd get all the leftovers put away & dishes washed & put away.  Gram loved to watch movies, she loved to laugh, sing, & visit.  She had a knack for knowing when a camera was on her & she's 'pose' though our joke was often the opposite after she was telling someone one time to "Act Natural" with the camera around & as soon as she realized it was on her she posed. We laughed so hard.  But as you can see from photos, she was beautiful on the outside too. Like drop dead  Gorge-wah!  Yes, I miss my Gram but I know that she is filled with joy, her body is healthy & strong, she's in God's presence and that is EXACTLY what she was designed for at her mansion in Heaven.  So this Saturday, when we celebrate and remember Gram, we'll shed tears because we miss her but we will laugh & sing & be joyful for we know that the Bible says those that ask Jesus into their hearts will leave this earth & go to be with God in heaven.  Gram, we'll see you on the other side. We love you dearly & are praising God for allowing us to be a part of your life & that you were such a blessing to soooooo many.  I will see you, but I plan to grow old here first so I can leave a legacy to my family & those God puts along my journey the way you did.  I miss you and love you Gram!!!