Monday, August 17, 2015

Details do matter

Today the calendar said only 3 days until surgery. I didn't feel panicked because of the surgery itself but rather I had a problem. It was kinda small in size but rather large to me and it has been bothering me for quite some time. I have tried to fix the problem myself but have failed each time and the clock was ticking, each calendar day that I mark off getting closer to surgery meant that I needed to have this problem fixed and I didn't know what I was going to do about it. I had taken care of all the others but the most special one to me was left.

A few weeks ago when the surgery date was nearly finalized I knew I had to get all my rings off but with the medications I've been on I have gained a lot of weight and my hands are puffy. I used some soap to take my thumb ring off and my 2 other rings that I wear but my wedding ring would not come off. I tried lotion, oil, cold water, etc and it would not budge over my puffy knuckle. So today I took it to the Provider of all my needs. I knew this wasn't just a mere desire to have my ring off my finger but I needed it off my finger and I had actually set today as the very last day to try to get it off myself. I had actually planned to make a few phone calls if needed to find out if I could go to the jewelers to have it cut off. I really cringed inside thinking about cutting my wedding ring and then having to have it repaired and possibly re-sized in order to wear it again but I knew something had to be done. So while I was showering I prayed. I brought it before God and it seemed kinda trivial to ask but I had asked prior to this but I don't think I really gave it to God. Do you ever do that? Pray about something but you kinda hang on to it yourself. As if you know better or think maybe it's too small to ask, or maybe you think it's far too much to ask for.  Well God cares. And today I really just handed it completely to God and said, I don't want to have it cut off. I think it unwise to spend money on having my ring cut off and then fixed and I don't want to burden the family finances even more than this medical junk already does. Lord, I need for this to come off and I just don't see how it's going to happen. And then it clicked. Something inside of me (the Holy Spirit) said, "I walk by faith and not by sight!"
So I said it a few times, "I walk by faith and not by sight, I walk by faith and not by sight. Lord, I know that you will take care of this for me." I began to turn the water temperature down colder and colder and ran the cold water over my whole arm, not just my hand like I had all the other times before.
 I called my daughter in and had her give me some lotion to smear all over my ring & my finger and I continued to pray. I prayed in my heavenly language and expected my prayer to be answered because it was a need and God's word says that if we ask, we will receive. And it says to pray expecting. I can't say that it slipped off easily but it did come off and I began to cry with thanksgiving. I was overwhelmed with joy that the God of the Universe, the God who created the sun, moon, stars, water, land, and even me had delighted in giving me what I needed.  My kids were really happy to hear that with God's help I was able to get my wedding ring off. He truly hears our cries and he provides what we need....things that are large as well as things that seem ridiculously small. Thank you Lord for caring about me and even the smallest needs that I have. Thank you for being in the big things as well. You never cease to amaze me! God sure is in the details.


Matthew 6:25-30New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

Friday, August 7, 2015

PET Scan #3 Results

I have to keep this really, REALLY short today. Well, I want to because the kids went to stay with my parents yesterday after I was done with the PET scan and dr appointment. Soooo that means that I am home by myself and I have a few things that I'd like to be working on before they come back home. Shhh, don't tell them that we are changing their rooms around. They had suggested that Braly take the girls smaller room and that the girls go into his room. I think they did it on a whim thinking I'd say no and then when I said yes, Gabby started to change her mind. She doesn't like a lot of change but Adam & I think it might work out nicely for everyone and it will be a good change. So he helped me move their clothes last night.

I have never had a MRI done so I can't compare it to that machine but I'd say that it is probably similar. It is a tube that has a very small table that you lay on and it moves through the tube to take pictures for about 20 or more minutes. The first 2 I had done, it was very quiet but yesterday they told me that I could listen to a cd of music that they had. They inherited them from the MRI department because they got hooked up to Sirius Radio or some equivalent. Next time I'm bringing my own CD with. But it was nice to be able to kinda know how long I had left by counting the number of songs and averaging them like 3 mins a song.

There is prep for this scan. The day before the scan I am supposed to eat either low carbs (the last paper said this) or NO carbs (the newest instructions said this) all day long, high proteins and then after midnight I am supposed to fast but drink water so I'm not dehydrated. The day of the scan, I am not allowed to eat or chew gum which was annoying because that's how I've been keeping my mouth moist so I don't have problems getting sores from the chemo. And I am to wear clothing with no metal. So when I go in to have this scan done I am taken into a room, the technician either puts an iv into my arm to put the dye in or if I have them access my port, they have to call a nurse down to do it. This time I opted for the iv so it would be quicker. Then I lay on a bed for 1 hour in the quiet and dark and I'm not supposed to move much. The reason this happens is if you don't have a lot of movement, the radioactive sugar dye that is injected, will go to the sites where the cancer cells are active. I forgot to say that once they have the iv in, they take my blood sugar as well. After the cat nap for an hour, I am asked to use the bathroom and then walk into the room where the PET scan machine is. I am to lay on a very narrow platform thing, where they put a special pillow behind my knees to try to help me be comfortable and I am to hold my arms above me the entire time. They usually start falling asleep but I have to hold very still. Yesterday my left leg and hip started to tingle like they were sleeping before my arms did and I knew I was so close to finishing that I just kept quoting scripture to encourage myself that I could finish without interruption so I could be done. Because honestly, I don't know what happens, like how much it would lengthen the scan if I asked them to stop for a minute. I just wanted it finished and knew I could make it so I did with God's help.

After the scan is done, they move the platform back out of the machine and lower it and then un-tuck me from the warm blanket mess and help me sit up. There is nothing to push off of so I always let them help me. Besides, with my arms starting to fall asleep, I need help to sit up. Then the scan is done and I usually go find something to eat with Adam and then we go back for the results with the doctor.

Yesterday we saw the comparison of April's scan with yesterday's scan and though I was really hoping for nothing to show up, it was good enough results.  Yes, I'm aiming for something extraordinary in my expectations and that's ok. The 3 spots that were present in April are still there but they are much less lit up on the scan than before. A LOT lighter, which means that the chemo is working. The great news is that there are NO new spots so when Ann Arbor gets the results, they should be okay with continuing with the plan for radical modified mastectomy on August 20th like we have scheduled. Sometime today, I will have to make some phone calls to see if the scan was sent to Ann Arbor as I requested or if I have to send the copy that I received before I left yesterday.

Depending on what the pathology finds out when the surgery is performed and everything is looked at, I will know whether I am advised to have radiation on any sites as well as whether I am advised to have 3 more chemo treatments. I was not expecting to hear the doctor say that yesterday but at least I have an idea of what he's considering so I have time to process it and know how to pray. Next step, surgery and recovery.

Time for me to get breakfast and start getting some things taken care of around here while I'm only responsible for myself. I miss my kids and they are such great helpers but having a little quiet and no responsibilities is kinda nice for the day.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Prayer List

July 27, 2015

Today was the last of the chemo treatments that include the taxotere which is the harsh chemo that I had to get for 4 weeks. I have to continue getting 2 other things for a total of a year and have them every 21 days but they probably won't cause much in the way of side effects.  So I did a bit of a happy dance today at not having to have that terrible stuff anymore.

Like I said before, surgery is scheduled for August 20th and I'll be spending some extra time closer to the hospital while I recover. We won't know if I need radiation to the axillary (armpit area) lymph nodes until after the surgery and the pathology comes back. So I am asking for prayer that those lymph nodes are completely healed and will not need radiation. That would mean that I would recover from the surgery and start radiation and from what I gather, it would be a trip to Iron Mountain 5 days a week for about a 15-20 min appointment and then drive back and that would last for about a month or so depending on what the doctors would suggest and we decide to do.

I have been having swelling in my right foot and we are having a bit of a hard time determining what is the cause. Right around the time of starting the chemo treatments, I stumbled, trying not to step on a toy, I think a lego, and I did something to my foot. It started hurting across the top soon after that. And then the night before treatment #3, so about 3 weeks ago, it swelled up. I iced and elevated it for the night, even sleeping on the couch to be sure to take good care of it and the swelling went down. It swelled a few times after that but not much and the swelling always came down. The pain went away and I thought it was all good. Then the nurse that was doing the education class for the surgery asked me about the swelling of that foot and asked if I had sprained it. I told her possibly and shared the story. She said they'd be concerned if it was a blood clot and my doctor had said we'd watch it. I was to alert him if the swelling went up my leg or I got any pain up my leg. Same thing today with the swelling. I think I aggravated it by walking too much on Wed. I over did it by testing to see how much I could walk and now the top of my foot hurts again and I have been icing it and praying that it isn't a blood clot. A blood clot is pretty serious, would require blood thinners and could affect the surgery date as well as possibly cause me to have to get another chemo treatment with the strong stuff. I am not in fear of this happening but I know it is not part of God's plan for me and I want to rebuke it. The devil thinks that he can stir up more stuff by trying to throw these curve-balls at me and create fear. Well God has not given me a spirit of fear. There is no where in the Bible where it says that is a fruit of the spirit so I don't accept it. But he has sure given me a spirit of love, a spirit of power, and a spirit of a sound mind. Those I accept!

And lastly I'm gonna share some personal stuff about this journey. I may have shared this first one but wanted to say that after talking with a lot of people, I must say that the mouth sores were bad and the digestion issues I've had are not a picnic but the worst of all of the stuff with the diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer was when I started chemo and had to lock Sadie out of the bathroom while taking a shower. It is advised that for 48 hours after receiving treatment that I am extra careful with any kind of body fluid because it would contain the nasty chemo. I mean, the nurses gown up when they come into the room to administer it through the iv. So since I was going to shower, and I didn't know if I would get sick and throw up without any warning, I chose to lock Sadie out of the bathroom. She was used to sneaking into the bathroom and getting her jammies off faster and quieter than I could ever imagine and she'd be opening the shower door and coming in without barely a warning. She desperately wanted to continue this usual morning routine but I could not jeopardize her safety the day after treatment. She knocked on the door, begged for me to open the door, stuck her adorable and sweet little fingers and hands under the door and cried while asking if I was done yet every 30 seconds. It was really hard. I went into super speedy mom mode so I could get out and scoop up my precious little girl that just simply didn't understand why she was being banned from the bathroom.

This wasn't the first thing like this that was hard for me to watch happen to my children since this dx (diagnosis), you may recall that I had to stop nursing her cold turkey and even though I was physically hurting from having to do that, my heart ached more. This little girl didn't deserve this, not one little bit, and there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it except pray and ask God to fill her with comfort and peace and that she wouldn't be negatively affected by these things.  Fast forward to a few days ago when I had to explain to my children what will be happening when I have the mastectomy surgery next month. Our oldest grasped onto it quite quickly and cried and cried. She also has a very vivid imagination so I knew I needed to discuss it with her in more detail to fill in the gaps that her imagination was possibly filling in for her. She stated that she didn't want me to be different physically because of the radical modified mastectomy. When the tumor had grown to a very large size while they were trying to get the hormones under control in the beginning, every time I hugged my children, especially my oldest, she noticed the difference in size and I think it scared her. She also noticed the difference as it shrunk and she'd comment about it. It's finally gotten to a point where it is pretty much non-existent (Praise God!) but now she doesn't want that normalcy to change. Who could blame her right? I had to show her some sketches of the drains that they will be putting in and that I'll have to have cleaned several times a day and drained. I showed her a sketch of what the area will look like once it is sewed back up and healing. They gave me a book with some information about the surgery and I shared a few of the sketches so she wouldn't imagine on her own. I thought hand drawn sketches would be better than real life internet photos that could really appear kinda scary.  And then it was #3's turn to have to learn what this meant because she didn't quite get it either. She was upset about the changes in my body but I reminded her and our oldest that my grandma had a double mastectomy and never had reconstruction at her age because they didn't have the plastic surgeon available the day she had the surgery and that they hugged her and never really knew a difference until we had talked about it recently and that helped them to understand that it may be a little different, especially at first but this is supposed to help. So they are working through this. I'm not quite sure how our boy is handling it. He didn't say much so I'll have to talk to him again. I've mostly talked to them individually when I quickly realized that they were at different stages of what they understood was going to happen and really they are at different stages of acceptance. I am thankful for God's wisdom in this situation and would like prayers for my husband and my children and of course myself in working our way through this with God's grace. We really appreciate your prayers.

Our prayer list looks like this:
1. Praising God for last nasty chemo treatment being done today!
2. Lymph nodes healed so no radiation needed
3. Surgery and recovery to go smoothly and quickly with no complications so I can get drains out quickly and return home sooner rather than later. Also No lymphodema infection either.
4. Stand in agreement that my right foot would be completely healed. That there would be no more swelling and that there isn't a blood clot.
5. That God would bring comfort and peace and grace for my family to walk through this part of the journey with all our trust in Him. That all fear would be removed with God's perfect love and that His truth would shine in our hearts, minds, and in our walk with Him and as examples to others.

I shared this very personal family information about what we're dealing with our children in this situation for a few reasons, I really think it needs to be bathed in prayer to help us have the strength to get through it and also because I am sure someone is going to read this and either have gone through something similar and be able to be helped, to help us or maybe someone reads this and in the near or even distant future, they may have a similar thing happen to them. I want them to know that they can trust God to carry them through any difficult situation because He is faithful and is always with us. We don't have to wait on God to show up, He is waiting on us to look to Him, to turn to Him, to call on Him. I truly believe this and my mission is to share His love with others, especially as we walk this journey. I want you to know that I am not more special to God than you are. He loves each of us the same and He wants us to know Him in a personal way and to be filled with faith and to walk our faith out, even when we are teased, when it is challenging, when it doesn't seem like anything is fair. That's when it speaks the loudest to our testament of trust in the One TRUE GOD!  Thank you for walking this journey with is and encouraging us, and lifting us up in prayer. God uses people that are willing to minister to others so needs are met and He is a God of never ending miracles!

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

July 22, 2015

After talking with several people and getting the phrase, "oh, I didn't know that." I realized that I really was in dire need of updating the blog with the newest info. I'm hoping I can get it all typed and published tonight while I wait for Sadie to fall asleep. She took a nap so I might have a little while.

Last week Adam worked from 3:30am until about 3pm but on Friday, there was so much stuff going on at work that he didn't get home until almost 5pm I think. He then showered, packed, and we hopped into the van to travel to his Aunt & Uncle's house to stay a few nights. We arrived around 11pm. It was so late and I drove the whole way so Adam could try to sleep but that seemed near impossible with the amount of stops we needed to make for bathroom breaks for everyone.

We woke up a bit late and ate breakfast and then had the opportunity to check out Midland's hands on museum at their Center for the Arts. It was very cool! We all loved it. I especially thought that the computer that you could create fireworks on was neat and so was the periodic table that you could mix different elements together and get the product. such as making H2O for water and then it told a little about water. or making 2NaCl for table salt. Very neat! We did the dinosaur exhibit that had some neat things to learn too and some fun hands on things. I have pics of course but I may have to share those later in order to actually get this published tonight.

We hit up the splash pad, sooooooooooo very cool that I wish it was possible to put one in at say Royce Park in Escanaba. They had River Days in Midland that we got to watch lanterns and then fireworks for. They had live music and it kind reminded me a little of Rock the Dock in Escanaba.  We checked out their Community Center Pool area and had a lot of fun on their water slide, with their water mushroom falls, a huge water table and outdoor splash pad as well as basketball and I tried to teach the kids how to do somersaults and handstands in the water and how to not get water up your nose without plugging it while going under water. We were worn out from all that water fun but Adam & I had to head to Ann Arbor, the main reason we were downstate in the first place.

On Monday, I had to have a mammogram and ultrasound done. Then I met with the surgeon that is doing the mastectomy. She is very nice and skilled from what I can tell from when she did the biopsy back in May. We had lunch at AppleBees and then one more appointment for pre-op instructions for what to expect before surgery and how the care for after surgery. We didn't get done with the instructions until about 3:30 or 4pm and then we drove back to Midland. The kids had done a fun video of them dancing in the dark while wearing those glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets on Sunday night. It was actually quite fun looking because they each had them on differently. It was sort of hard to guess which of our kids was wearing what. There was a lot of giggling in the video which made me smile so much and laugh. Before we went back to where the kids were, we stopped at Michaels craft store and I got a new floor light to help me while cross-stitching. It should help me be able to work on my project while watching tv but not bothering everyone with overhead lights that are hard on the eyes while watching a movie. And we picked up a few things because while Morgan patches her eye, she has to work on things and I'm going to teach her how to cross-stitch. We're starting with a cute watermelon.

On Tuesday, with sad hearts, we headed back home. Our dear sweet and sensitive Morgan cried, dare I say bawled, when it was time to leave. We all enjoyed our time with Aunt & Uncle for the few days we were there and it was hard to say goodbye so instead we'll say see ya in a few weeks.

So here's the medical update of things. I go on Monday July 27th for the 4th and LAST chemo treatment. I will have a PET scan done in Green Bay, WI on August 6th and need to get the results to the surgeon in Ann Arbor, MI to be sure that it doesn't change our surgery plan.

The results from the mammogram and the u/s that was done show that the tumor in the breast has shrunk but looks like something has elongated. The Nurse Practitioner said that what they saw could have been necrosis (or the death of tissue) in the breast which can happen with chemo. They will know more when pathology comes back after surgery. They also said that no lymph nodes showed up as inflamed (I think that's what they referred to it as), which is good and shows that the chemo is working. They will have a better view of things with the PET scan in August.  Now remember that the 1st PET scan I ever had back in Nov of 2013 showed 1. the tumor in the breast, 2. the axillary lymph node AND about 20 other spots that lit up in the bones of my shoulders, spinal bones, hip bones, ribs, sternum, etc. The PET scan done in April 2015 showed only 3 spots and the rest of the bones didn't light up 1. The original tumor 2. the right axillary lymph node (probably how the cancer traveled (metastasized) to the bones 3. A new spot on the tailbone   Even though there was a new spot that we weren't pleased about, because that meant something had changed or that the meds had stopped working, we praise God that all those other spots were not lit up, they were clear, even though the doctor says it is good that they didn't light up but that we don't know what is there microscopically.  I know that God has healed those bones and that even though I am having this surgery, that God is directing my path and healing me.

The plan for the surgery is that we'll head down to drop the kids off and Aunt & Uncle's and then Adam & I will continue on to Ann Arbor and try to get a good night's sleep. I will shower and fast and then have a radial modified mastectomy with axillary lymph nodes checked out. It will be done as an outpatient and Adam & I agree that it is probably best that we sleep that night in Ann Arbor and then travel up to where the kids are the following day. We were given special care instructions for the drains that they will put in and when there is less than 30 ml of collection for 2 days in a row, we can call and go back to Ann Arbor to have the drains removed. They say it usually takes between 7 - 10 days to reach this point and I am believing that God will heal me quickly and there will be a smooth recovery. We are looking to stay within the area until the follow up appointment and then head back home in hopes that the several hour drive will be more doable for me and not cause blood clots or any other complications.

As much as this whole diagnosis and process sucks to have to deal with, we are so very thankful for how God is orchestrating the big and little things on this journey. We are blessed with so much wondering and helpful family members to make sure that all the details are taken care of, including our 4 precious cargo, I mean children. And we are also blessed with caring and loving friends who have helped feed us, watch the kids for the hours and hours that it takes for treatment, when we wanted to go on a few dates, cards and gifts of encouragement and practical things like new dish towels from all over the states, gas cards for the traveling expenses, etc. God is providing and we want to thank all who have headed his nudge to pray for us, to call, meet up with us, to help out in big and little ways. And honestly, nothing is really little. It all matters and means so much to us. So thank you all for helping us cope and keep going on this journey. You help me keep my faith strong and my eyes on God because of all the precious little things that He's taking care of and using you all to help with. Thank you!!!!!!!

I think I covered everything for this update but it is pretty late and I'm pretty tired because today I dropped my van off to have the oil changed and some work done to it and I walked back to the house. The kids and I walked to lunch and back. Then I biked with Morgan for her meeting about being baptized, and then I walked back to get my fixed van. I'm trying to get as much exercise and be as healthy as I can in this last few weeks before surgery because I won't be allowed to lift my arm above my head or lift more than 10 pounds for about 6-8 weeks. That's a long time to have to tell Sadie to climb onto my lap to get loves instead of lifting her up into my arms. Gonna be a change but we can do it.
As I was walking today and my foot was hurting and I knew I didn't have too much left to walk I did what I have been doing, I started speaking scripture out loud because it helps me remember to keep my eyes on Christ. I realized that I pushed the walking past my physical ability with my foot having issues but I did way more than I thought I could do. Trust God to help you with the BIG things and the little things. He will help things fall into place in the right way. He wants the best for you. He loves you deeply. Be open to Him and His ways. They are better than you could possibly imagine.

After Treatment #3 July 7th (published on July 22nd)

Thought it was time to give a more in depth update for everyone. I have been keeping busy with the kids and all this medical stuff this summer. And visiting with people stopping in to town for a quick visit and trying to get together with people in town for visits. The summer is in full speed but I wish I could put the breaks on and make it slow down a bit.

I had treatment #3 of 4 on Tuesday July 7th.  It went great. Felt fine during treatment and all that night. Got to visit with my dear friend when I picked the kids up after the treatment. They weren't eager to leave but a lovely lady was bringing us dinner which turned out to be like 4 meals in one. She made us so much food that we ate it twice just the way it was and then we were able to take parts of the meal and add a few things to make a completely different meal and I did that twice with my mom's help.

On Wednesday July 8th we had a busy day. We drove to Iron Mountain for a routine checkup for one of the kids and everything looks great! No shots needed for anything because I refuse to get that HPV one. I know many people have opinions on immunizations and in general, we've gotten everything that has been recommended up until this point. There is something inside of me that is not at peace with this immunization and we will not be allowing our children to receive this one.  Obviously I feel quite strongly about that.  Sorry to digress. We then drove to Felch to pick up my mom so she could help us out for a few days in case I wasn't feeling well.  We arrived in Escanaba and drove straight to the grocery store because we needed to get a cake mix and frosting to make Adam a German Chocolate cake to celebrate his 40th. I hadn't had much time to plan anything and I was not going to let his day go unnoticed if I could help it. The kids helped heat up leftovers for dinner and mix the cake so we could get it baked and frosted & sing to him. It was fluffy & moist & we took pics but they are stuck on my camera right now. lol

Thursday I woke up and felt pretty good for most of the day. I rested and fell asleep while Morgan had "Into the Woods" movie on. Glad I had seen it with the girls in the theater because it allowed me to doze off as I needed & get some rest.

Friday the 10th, it was beautiful outside and we finally had the chance to get the sunflower seeds planted after a neighbor had tilled the soil behind the garage and prepped it for us. I can't wait to see sunflowers popping up back there. Sunflowers are in my top 3 flowers and they're going to look beautiful. I sat in a camping chair with an umbrella perched above me for shade while the kids planted and watered. It was fun and I got to visit with a neighbor while out there.  I started to get a little tired so I rested a bit and since we've been going to the school for lunch, we did that but I had my mom drive. I also had my mom drive us to the library before closing time to turn in the kids' summer reading program stuff. They had completed all their points and we wanted to get everything entered before other things cropped up. I expect them to still continue reading but at least we aren't obligated to keep track of things. Friday was our 16th Anniversary too!  My dad came over to pick up my mom and they left after we had dinner. So very thankful for my mom to help us out. Please pray that her toe heals. She had surgery on it and has been dealing with some kind of infection and pain ever since. She's been on different meds but it hasn't cleared up yet and it can be quite painful but she did what most moms do and sucked it up and helped us anyway. Thanks mom, you're the BEST!!!!!!!!!

The kids received personal pan pizza certificates from the reading program so we decided to hit up Pizza Hut on Saturday to celebrate Adam's birthday and our 16th anniversary with some family.  After we ate, we drove over to the marina to take a look from a distance at the Nina & Pinta ships that were in the harbor. So crazy to think that people came over on those ships, they were quite small to be crossing such a vast and open water. In the afternoon, we also made a trip to Menards to purchase 2 Zero Gravity chairs for Adam & myself to enjoy in the house and the yard. Adam & I both really miss the reclining part of our couch and agree that we love the look of our current couch but oh to have the reclining position while watching movies and relaxing....that would be great!

So far, this has been the easiest treatment I've had. God has been taking good care of me. The heartburn was not near as bad this round. I did take some meds for it and had to drink one dose of apple cider vinegar to combat the burn but eating ice cream helped and the power of prayer is what did it. I didn't have near as much fatigue this time either and I was concerned that it might be worse since they build on each other. The digestion system troubles are far less this time too so I am very thankful and grateful for God's faithfulness.  And though my mouth and tongue are starting to have that rough feeling inside, I am confident that I won't have the mouth sores this time either. Chewing gum and rinsing my mouth helps but again, the answered prayers are key! I haven't had any acne either so that's nice because after the 1st time it was actually painful. I do however think that the chemo meds may be messing with my ability to process gluten and I am having to cut back on it. I may see if I can cut it out for a week and see how I feel. Anyone who has gluten issues....I really feel for you. I shaved my hair weeks ago when my head got far too itchy and I thought I was going to scratch it raw and bleeding but it never all went away. It seems as though the stuff I was losing was actually not coming from the root but breaking off from being so fragile and brittle. And though my hair is quite short and thin, it actually seems like it might be slowly growing again, kinda like my nails that I keep super short.

Next week I have a pre-op appointment in Ann Arbor. They plan on doing a mammogram as well and then will be discussing my case with a board of doctors and then they should be scheduling me for a mastectomy to happen in August. I am praying that God's hand be upon everything. When he orchestrates things to happen, they work out so melodiously that I don't want it any other way. The last round of treatment is scheduled for July 27th and then I'll have to get another PET scan done in Green Bay before surgery which should take place around August 20th.

Besides all the medical stuff going on since school ended, we attended a Girl Scout ceremony, graduation party, got my hair cut short, got my hair cut super short, shaved my hair with no guard, went to rummage sales and got great deals for clothes for the kids, found a saxophone to buy for Braly to start his 6th grade band experience, picked out a free wig, went on a date with my hubby & some friends, celebrated the adoption of my niece & had a party with family for it, celebrated father's day for an amazing daddy to my kids, 3 of my  kids were in a play that the production start to finish happened in a week, we had a Papa bear, Pixie, and Assistant Director that put in 32 hours, watched Rapunzel that the kids were in, ate nearly every day M-F at one of the schools for free, found what Sadie deems as the right wig (lighter red color and now she won't let me wear anything else), attended church at the park a few times on Wed nights, had my phone get used for all sorts of silly pics on more than one occasion (it's actually quite funny to scan through the pics sometimes), found a great game table for way less money than if we'd bought at a store and got it for Braly's birthday, found a great deal on a new bike for Morgan who has been content with a used bike for years, loved seeing her ride her new bike and be thankful for it, it has a speaker connector inside a pouch for an MP3 player, the kids have been doing activities pertaining to Heroes for the summer reading program, Morgan made a Lego Hero that is on display at the library, attended the Petting Zoo, met up with a former roommate from college, toured the Public Safety with some friends from church, kids tried on equipment and sat in fire truck, I held the belt of the officer to see how heavy it was, had cousins and Auntie visit for a few days, watched Inside Out at the theater, ate lots of popcorn and drank pop, had water balloon fights, went to the eye doctor for 4 appointments and then picking up new glasses,
cleaned up the weeds behind the garage in hopes of planting sunflowers, neighbor tilled behind garage and prepped it for planting, kids rode around in the kid truck we got for Braly's 5th birthday 6 years ago, visited Animal shelter with cousins & Aunt and played with 2 kittens and a puppy, then fed some of the bigger dogs some treats, visited the Sheriff office and received Frisbees, sheriff stickers, and the kids got to climb in the cars, turn on lights, the siren, and ask questions about all the buttons in the cars, the kids got to help try to name the wooden carved dogs at the lighthouse, celebrated Independence Day with breakfast in Felch and then parade where the kids received half a walmart bag of candy, then had dinner, pool fun and fireworks with family & friends, put a flag on Papa's grave to honor & remember his service, celebrated a 40th birthday, 16th anniversary, met up with another former college roommate, turned in all the points for 3 kids worth of summer reading program, received ice cream treat, personal pan pizza, and entries into drawing, Gabby won the Where is Buzz Lightyear hiding for last week, had Pizza Hut with family, saw the Nina & Pinta ships in Escanaba harbor, made it to the beach for a few hours, ran into old neighbors at the beach and stayed longer than we planned because we couldn't pass up a nice visit, made a sand castle, listened to Sadie say, "this is the BEST day EVER!" several times while at the beach and she asked on Monday if we thought it was the best day ever yesterday. Watched my son get excited and have fun cooking dinner for the family after I made him do it. Watched my son help his sister in the water at the beach. Watched my daughter help her sister get her Puddle Jumper life jacket tightened so they could play in the water. Watched my family work together to make a neat sandcastle and then not get upset when it was wrecked later. Watched my kids work together to make sure they got the dishes in the dishwasher. Watched several movies that the kids earned from getting A's in their classes. Heard my kids say, wow, this movie was way better than we thought, glad we finally gave it a try. Was told that I need to teach my kids how to cross-stitch this summer because they want to learn. Finally able to get into basement to go through junk that has piled up. Threw away 3 bags of papers (well recycled them). Threw away 3 -4 bags of trash that was stuff not worth keeping. Organized craft stuff so it isn't taking up so much real estate and downsized it. Organized school supplies and condensed so I know what we have and what we need, no more buying the wrong stuff. Went through some stuff in the playroom so I can figure out what things Sadie is interested in playing with and keep those things readily available. Went through kids clothes and took baskets of too small of stuff out so we can be on the lookout for what they have need of. Fixed air mattress (hopefully it holds). Did 4 days of PiYo with the kids. Need to keep it going. Ate another meal the kids made together. Took the kids grocery shopping and had them play "Bring Me" to get our list done quicker. Watched them work together to get all the groceries in the house and then put away together and quickly.  Looking forward to witnessing the baptism of our 3rd in a few weeks and celebrating another birthday and heading on a family road trip that will be more fun then the reason that we're actually taking the trip. I am truly a blessed woman. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and amazing children to make a family but He has blessed me with saving grace, healing, and a different way to look at life. I'm thankful that I get to see how even the little things are filled with good, amazement, love, life, goodness. He helps me see things in a positive way. I am grateful and I am enjoying most moments of this summer and looking forward to adding more memories to our archives.

Edited July 22nd:  I wanted to add several pictures into this post but haven't had the chance to get them in here and I actually need to do another update so I'm just going to publish this as is. That's how it goes sometimes. ;)

Thursday, June 4, 2015

God Wants You Healed; not just from physical hurts but emotional hurts too!

So I started this post last week and with everything going on and trying to get into a new groove of things, this has taken me much longer to share than I wanted it to. I could go and reference a few other posts that I shared on the blog awhile back that talk about healing but I thought since there are a few people that would like me to share scriptures about healing, I'll just share again. But feel free to go back and read old posts that may speak to you. A few links to older posts. Less than Spectacular Day Refresh my Soul   Fear Not

I was sent a booklet last year that came from joycemeyer.org called The Healing Word. In it, Joyce addresses a few kinds of disease that we need healing from. She shares on page 3 "God wants to make you whole. He doesn't want you to spend the rest of your life hurting. As long as we're not functioning the way He intends us to function, there is a disease there - whether it's a mental one, a physical one, a spiritual one, or an emotional one - and we need to let God bring wholeness to that area." Joyce Meyer.  Jesus can heal you everywhere you hurt!  The Healing Word article  Please check out the FREE Download section of this article I've shared. It contains the scriptures that will help you find the healing you need and they are God's word, the TRUTH!

What I thought I'd do is try to compile several of these verses into something you can download and print that has a little more visual pizzazz. If you know me, you know I love words and I believe that they are powerful. I have read these scriptures from the FREE Download section many, many times. They are what I read when I need the reminder of God's promises to me from His word. I often print scriptures out or write them on cards and hang them up in my home so I can visually be reminded of God's promises and it helps me Stand FIRM on His word! When you fill your mind with positive and uplifting things like God's Truth, it will help you renew your mind and be able to tell those lies that satan tries to weasel into your mind to go away. You will start to recognize the lies the more you spend time in God's word. I encourage you to read the Bible but if for some reason or another that you don't read your Bible, at least read scripture that will build you up. Print something out or write them on 3x5 cards. You won't regret it!

If you would like the Word document that I have put together with the pizzazzy verses, just email me and I'll do my best to get it to you. I don't have the capability to put it as a downloadable link on my blog because I'm just not that in the know about technology to do it or host something like that.




Wednesday, May 20, 2015

He's not done yet!

So last week when I shared that there was that new receptor and they told me I would have to have an iv to get the meds I was kinda ok with that. Yesterday when I went in to have my labs drawn to check my calcium and creatinine and to get the bone strengthening shot, I was told by the doctor that to get those meds that I was going to have to start chemo treatments for 12 weeks. Talk about a smack in the face. I'll be honest, I cried and it was hard to have to share that news with my husband, my parents, and especially my kids. But there is something welling up inside of me at the devil right now, I think some would call it a righteous indignation against him stealing even more from me. I attended the healing/teaching by Dr. Nichols again last night. This morning, I think that the tumor has shrunk again. I had Adam check it too and he said yes. Glory to GOD! Praise to HIM!

On Sunday evening when I was prayed over at the healing service, I was told that there is some bitterness that I need to deal with. On Monday night I then talked with a dear special lady who helped me figure out in my spirit who the person or persons I needed to forgive were and I spent that night and yesterday praying and giving over any hurts to God. Last night I was prayed over again. This morning I watched a dvd with an amazing testimony of a young lady who was near death and received a miracle from God in an instantaneous healing. She had seen a vision that God would heal her progressively and when she was told that God wanted to heal her instantly she prayed about it and asked why the conflicting message. God told her that he was meeting her where she was at with her faith and when her heart changed to have her faith move with God's grace that is always there, she was completely and instantly healed. WOW! God knows what we need and meets us where we're at all the time. I'm pushing to move my faith to line up with God's grace of a miracle, an instant healing because in all honesty, I don't want chemotherapy. I don't want any of the stuff that comes with that way of treatment. I don't want any of the surgeries or anything else. Not because I am fearful of them, not because of vanity but because I am angry at satan and I don't want him to keep steeling from me. He no longer has that right over me. I am standing firm that I believe God has healed me and I will continue to follow his lead as he guides me.
GREATER is HE that is in me than he that is in the world!

Can't take much more time. I have a field trip to have fun on with a bunch of kids. My vision of healing showed me that I was actively playing with kids with Adam. Not just mine but other kids. And like I said, that goes along with what God has called Adam & me to do. Minister to kids & their families. Praise God! He's my HERO!